How to Be Mindful of Others
When we think of mindfulness, we often picture an inward journey. We reflect on our own experiences and practice being present with our thoughts, emotions, and sensations. While this internal awareness is a core aspect of mindfulness, it’s only part of the picture. As social beings, we spend much of our day interacting with others, navigating relationships, and responding to the world around us.
Interestingly, the Buddha frequently emphasized the practice of external mindfulness., or being mindful of other people. In the Satipatthana Sutta, or the discourse on establishing mindfulness, it is recommended to practice mindfulness “both internally and externally.”
What is Mindfulness of Others?
Just as we cultivate awareness of our own present-moment experience, mindfulness of others means being present with what is happening in their experience. It’s about shifting our attention outward, observing without judgment, and deepening our connection with the people around us.
For example, in the same way we notice our own breatht, we can also observe someone else’s breathing. We might see their chest subtly expanding and contracting or hear the gentle sound of their breath. Or just as we tune into our body’s movements during walking meditation, we can be mindful of another person moving. We don’t need to add a story to it or judgements. Instead, we can just be aware of the other person’s movement.
Mindfulness of others extends beyond physical awareness to include emotional and mental experiences as well. In my relationship with my partner, Elizabeth, I’ve developed a deep awareness of her emotions. When she’s happy, it’s obvious to me. I can sense her joy almost instinctively. Likewise, she recognizes my happiness more clearly than most people do. This comes with time and practice together.
On the more unpleasant end, when Elizabeth is quiet and lost in thought, I notice the signs. I can tell when something is on her mind, even if she hasn’t spoken a word. And the same goes for her. When I’m struggling with anxiety or worry, she picks up on it. This mutual mindfulness allows us to be present for each other in a way that deepens our connection and fosters understanding and compassion.
Cultivating mindfulness of others allows us to connect more deeply. Whether with a partner, a stranger, or even someone we find difficult, practicing mindfulness of others gives us more connection. When we begin to observe others with greater clarity, we create space to respond with awareness rather than react impulsively. This practice not only strengthens our relationships but also reinforces our own mindfulness, as it becomes another way to anchor ourselves in the present moment.
How to Practice Mindfulness of Others
Now, let’s get into some practical ways to cultivate mindfulness of others. These are exercises/practices you can try in everyday life. Keep in mind that the goal is simply to be present and aware of someone else’s experience.
A key point to remember is that this isn’t about making assumptions or creating stories about what another person is feeling. We don’t need to analyze or judge their experience; we simply observe. This also includes noticing mindfully our own reactions, thoughts, and judgments as they arise.
For example, if you’re watching someone breathe, avoid interpreting their experience. Don’t assume their breath feels good or that they’re anxious. Instead, focus on what is actually happening. Observe the movement of their chest, the rhythm of their breathing, the small details that make up their experience in the moment.
By practicing this kind of mindful awareness, we train ourselves to be more present in our relationships and interactions, allowing us to engage with others in a way that is more grounded, compassionate, and authentic.
1. Build a Personal Mindfulness Practice
Nothing substitutes for your own mindfulness practice. Meditation helps cultivate deep states of concentration, insight, and understanding into the nature of experience. As laypeople, part of our practice is simply lessening suffering and building awareness so we can bring that mindfulness into daily interactions.
If you want to be more mindful of others, the best place to start is practicing mindfulness meditation yourself. The more familiar you become with mindfulness, the more naturally it will extend to your interactions with others. Through periods of sitting meditation, you will cultivate the ability to be present and notice the hindrances that get in the way. As we cultivate these abilities, we can bring them to our external world with more ease.
2. Consider Others’ Needs
Make a conscious effort to tune into the needs and desires of those around you. A simple way to do this is by explicitly asking about their preferences. For example, my partner Elizabeth and I use a -10 to +10 scale to gauge how much we want to do something. If she’s at a +7 for going to the beach and I’m at a -2, I know it’s something she really wants to do, and I can choose to support her. This is an explicit way we practice really being mindful of others’ needs.
If you’re unsure of someone’s needs, just ask. Be curious and interested, rather than judgemental about what someone else may need. If you don’t feel comfortable asking someone, try your best to consider what is kind and considerate in general.
3. Listen Fully
When someone is speaking, really listen. Instead of planning your response or getting distracted by your own thoughts, focus completely on what they are saying. Notice their tone, their emotions, and their body language. Listening fully helps us respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.
Try pausing before you speak, allowing space for their words to settle. The simple act of truly hearing another person can strengthen relationships and deepen understanding. Thich Nhat Hanh calls listening “the greatest gift we can offer another.”
4. Speak Kindly
If listening fully is one side of mindful communication, speaking kindly is the other. Words have power, and how we communicate can either build connection or create distance. Practicing wise speech means speaking in a way that lifts others up.
Speaking kindly doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations. It means delivering truth with care, choosing the right timing, and ensuring what we say is useful. By considering how we are speaking, we inherently are being mindful of others and the impact of our words on their experience.
One great example of this is how supportive communities encourage one another. At the skate park, I often see kids cheering each other on when someone lands a new trick. The same happens in the surf community. We were out surfing yesterday and Elizabeth was on a new board. She struggled at first, but when she began catching a few nice waves, everyone cheered her. Be encouraging with your speech when you can. Lift others up, and be mindful of how your words impact others.
5. Notice Your Own Thoughts
Our internal stories and judgments about others can sometimes block us from being present. For example, I have a friend who sometimes takes a week to reply to texts. This used to frustrate me, and I’d carry that frustration into our in-person interactions. But when I stopped and noticed my thoughts, I realized that in person this friend is incredibly supportive, fun, and present. My irritation about texting had been overshadowing our real connection. I wasn’t able to be mindful and present with them.
Being mindful of our own mental narratives allows us to see people more clearly and appreciate them as they are.
6. Practice Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation
Loving-kindness, or metta meditation, helps open our hearts to others. One of the many benefits of metta meditation is that it transforms people from flat, two-dimensional figures in our minds into rich, multi-faceted human beings in my experience.
One simple way to incorporate metta into daily life is through stealth metta practice. I think this was first introduced to me back in 2010 or so at Against the Stream Meditation Center. Here’s how it’s done:
As you walk down the street, silently offer a phrase of kindness to people you pass:
May you be happy.
May you be at ease.
May you be free from suffering.
Over time, this practice naturally fosters mindfulness of others, making it easier to engage with them from a place of care and presence.
7. Practice Mindfulness Together
Mindfulness doesn’t have to be a solitary practice. If you have a partner, friend, or family member who is interested, try practicing together.
Some simple mindfulness exercises to do with someone else include:
Breath Awareness Together – Sit quietly and observe your own breath while also noticing the breath of the person next to you.
Mindful Listening – Take turns speaking and listening fully without interruption.
External Mindfulness Meditation – Focus on observing the movements and presence of the other person without judgment.
When we practice mindfulness with another person, we reinforce it in real time, deepening both our personal practice and our relationships. For some detailed instructions on practicing mindfulness with another person, check out this post.
Bringing It All Together
Mindfulness isn’t just about looking inward—it’s also about how we engage with the world and the people around us. By practicing mindfulness of others, we cultivate deeper connections, greater understanding, and a more compassionate way of moving through life.
Whether through building your own mindfulness practice, considering others’ needs, listening fully, speaking kindly, noticing your own thoughts, practicing loving-kindness, or engaging in mindfulness with others, each of these approaches helps us be more present and intentional in our relationships.
The key is to start small. Pick one or two of these practices today and observe how they shift your interactions. Over time, these small moments of mindfulness add up, creating a more connected and compassionate way of being with others.