Happiness is a State of Mind… To a Degree

Written By Matthew Sockolov

You’ve likely heard the phrase “happiness is a state of mind” or some variation of it. I think the intention or meaning is pretty clear: it’s not about what we have, but how our minds are. In one sense I love this phrase because it points us toward things we can control rather than things we can’t control. Yes, controlling the state of mind is not easy, but it’s easier for many people than achieving their dreams of riches or material goods.

Most humans aspire to a happy state. It’s pretty natural. However, the human brain is largely hardwired for survival and procreation, not necessarily happiness. Sure, there’s an aspect of happiness that increases our survival rates and our procreation rates, but the ultimate goal of our evolved brains is not to achieve happiness.

As such, it takes some effort. Some people are naturally happier than others because of genes, research shows. Furthermore, our personal circumstances such as socioeconomic status, where we live, how close our families are, etc. play a role as far as researchers understand. However, there’s still a significant portion of happiness that is indeed within our control.

happiness is a state of mind

What Makes Humans Happy?

I can’t tell you what will make you happy. I can tell you what’s made me happier over the years. To start, building strong and healthy relationships has been key. I have friends I can have fun with, confide in, and cry in front of. I have a lovely family, and a great support network that goes both ways. I meditate nearly every single day (at least once), and have learn to react rather than respond to stimulus better. I have more loving-kindness toward myself and others, I appreciate the joy around me, and I find more equanimity every day.

In addition to my relationships and practice, I have a personal life. I enjoy my work with others, helping teach individuals to incorporate mindfulness and compassion into their lives. I love where I live, the culture, the food, the beaches, the jungle. I have activities I love, like mountain biking and surfing that I’m able to do weekly. I’m able to spend a lot of time with my partner and children, and be present for my life.

All this is great, but what makes me happy may not be right for you. My life works for me, but isn’t for everyone. So what does the research say about what bring happiness? A long research study looked at this and found that the single best indicator of long term happiness was good relationships. Human connection has been shown repeatedly in research to be the biggest single factor in human happiness.This may be connection with family, friends, and/or a community. Not only are these people generally happier, they are also more physically healthy.

Research also suggests that kindness brings happiness. To be clear, this isn’t others being kind to you. Sure, that feels good and can increase happiness. But specifically, this systematic review found that individuals who performed acts of kindness experienced increases in happiness and overall sense of wellbeing.

I know I’m a big fan of meditation, but multiple studies have found mindfulness to be an effective way to increase happiness. This study found that a mindfulness intervention increased the participants’ sense of purpose in life and overall happiness, and decreased feelings of anxiety and depression.

There’s tons of other research that has found things that make people happier. Here are a few:

Happiness as a State of Mind

When we look at the list of things that tend to make people happy in general, we see a common thread. None of these are really possessions. Sure, one could argue that friendships or close connections are a possession in some sense of the word. But overall, research does not find that more possessions or professional success and status make us happy. To a degree, it might in that it allows us to live with less financial stress. But that only takes us so far.

Looking at happiness as a state of mind, we can see a pattern develop. Friendships, gratitude, exercise, nature, sleep, experiences, and meditation are all things that we can cultivate without turning toward material possessions. These aspects of our lives contribute to a mind that is at ease and content. But how?

Connections release oxytocin in our brains, which reduces stress and increases happiness. Exercise releases dopamine and endorphins. Gratitude releases dopamine and serotonin. Spending time in nature decreases activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for social interaction. This allows the brain to quiet a bit and be at ease.

All of these things are acting upon our minds and bodies to create a state of happiness. As such, it’s perhaps more fair to say “happiness is a state of mind that can be created by living life wisely.” When we do these things that research suggests make us happy, we are quite literally creating a happier mind or brain. And as we become happier, it becomes easier to do things like act with kindness, get quality sleep, or exercise.

Potential Hindrances

So we have some solid research about what can create happiness. However, there is a bit of privilege in the statement “happiness is a state of mind.” If someone is struggling to put food on their plate (or their family’s plates), happiness may be harder to come by. If they live somewhere without proper healthcare, resources, or safety relative to other people in their community, happiness might not be so easy.

It’s worth recognizing this reality. It’s also worth recognizing that even in the midst of these struggles, relative happiness can still be found as a state of mind. If you’ve spent any time at a monastery, you will find people who have all of their basic needs met. But they don’t have cell phones, computers, entertainment, fancy clothes, menus of food to order from, or many of the other luxuries we experience and take for granted sometimes.

However, you’ll also notice the monastics are perhaps the happiest people you’ll come across. They have dedicated themselves to working on their minds and creating the happy state of mind. Although this life may not be the best fit for everyone, it is a perfect example of how happiness can be cultivated internally rather than externally.

Tips for Building Happiness

So with all of this said, what can we do to actually work toward this state of happiness? Looking at both the research and what it means to create a happy state of mind, I have a few suggestions:

1. Try Mindfulness Meditation

Of course I’m going to start here. Try some mindfulness meditation. Over time, you can tune into your experience more deeply and begin to see things more clearly. Practices like Mindfulness of Mental States can help us get to know the states of mind we experience. We can see the happiness come and go, impermanent as it is.

One thing meditation practice has done for me is giving me the ability to see more easily how stimulus is impacting me. This goes for pleasant and unpleasant experiences. When I am stressed, I can see the path to the arising of stress occurring more quickly. When something brings me joy, I know and trust that doing it will bring me joy because I’ve seen it occur repeatedly. If you’re not sure where to start, you might try a simple breath counting meditation.

2. Practice Kindness

Next, practice kindness wherever you can. I know it can be hard, especially at first. But being kind to others will truly change your experience of joy and happiness. One way to get started with kindness is to investigate a metta, or loving-kindness, meditation practice (below). In metta practice, we actively work to cultivate a caring and wishing of wellbeing for ourselves and others.

As you practice loving-kindness in meditation practice, bring it into your daily life. This, in my experience, is a natural byproduct of regular metta meditation. It becomes easier to be kind. The thoughts of kindness begin to take over, and compassion and care come naturally. When you have the chance during your day to say something kind or do something to help someone, do it!

3. Connect with Others

As someone who considers themselves introverted, this is one I have to actually be quite effortful with. Connection looks different for everyone, so try not to compare yourself to others. Start where you are and do what you can. One thing that I’ve found helpful is to really communicate with those around me. When I receive text messages or phone calls, I make an effort to respond and interact. Practice some mindfulness of others and tune into how these interactions impact everyone involved.

You can also find community outside your family or friends with some sort of affinity group. One of my first strong communities was the sangha, or Buddhist community, at my local meditation center. Showing up every week, I began to know people and they knew me. Before long I was invited out to eat after the group, on little group retreats, and more.

4. Take Care of Your Body

I’m not a doctor, dietician, or personal trainer. I can’t say what is right for your body or anyone else’s. But I can say the research is clear. Taking care of our bodies by eating a variety of whole foods, getting some movement in, and trying to get enough sleep are some science-backed ways to increase happiness. That movement may be a simple walk around the block (which also hits the next tip on this list). If you’re struggling with sleep, you might seek help from a medical professional. You also might adjust your bedtime routine, screen time, and/or how much exercise you are getting during the day.

5. Spend Time Outside

Another science-backed tip: get outside! Ideally, spend some time in the solitude of nature if you’re able. Go for a hike, walk through a park, visit a beach, or simply sit by a river. It doesn’t matter entirely what you do. Maybe you listen to some music, meditate, or have a meal. Whatever you do, try to find some time where you can take a break from the human-made society and rest in nature. If nature really isn’t your thing, consider spending a little more time outside in general!

6. Start a Gratitude Journal

I know this may sound cheesy, but studies suggest it works. You could get an actual journal, or you could use a note-taking app on your phone. I was first introduced to this idea with the instruction to write 3 things I am grateful for at the end of the day, and to try not to repeat anything. Obviously this gets hard and we run out of ideas, which pushes us to find more things to be grateful for. You don’t need to share this with anyone; the simple act of being grateful is enough to help us feel more grateful moving forward.

7. Reflect on Your Happiness

And finally, do some reflection on your happiness. I’ve struggled with chronic depression since a teen, with bouts of depression seemingly arising from nowhere. One of the things that has helped me work with this immensely is my mindfulness practice and periods of reflection. I can see the depression coming sooner, and take some action to help myself through it.

You might ask yourself what is getting in the way of your happines. You also might reflect on what it actually feels like in the mind to experience happiness. Familiarize yourself with your experience of happiness so you know when it is present or not, and you can take some action to move toward more periods of happiness in your life.



Matthew Sockolov
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